I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
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Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
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I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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