so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
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i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
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These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.