Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way