Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority