I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If you need anything just hit me up
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?