after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
17 People Admit the Worst Thing They’ve Done To a Server
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."