Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
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He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
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I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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