not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
