I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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