Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
