I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
