I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
