are you so shy because you have an std?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
