I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
