omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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