I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize