I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
