im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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