What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
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Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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