you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
