It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
