And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
