just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Did you just see the Batmobile???
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
