I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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