I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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