Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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