Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
kristin has been a bad kristin
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
