My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.