I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?