On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.