Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today