does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You're a waste of cheezeits
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.