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1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
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