I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
