My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I still have a little drunk in my system
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
