What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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