Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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