She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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