you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
