We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just googled if crying burns calories
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
