Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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