thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
