I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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