Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
