i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
