Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
