why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
