How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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