a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
