How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
