i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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