Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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