I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
