Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
