How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
