Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize