he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
