My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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