Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
