I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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