i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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