Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
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her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
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possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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