T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
