mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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