fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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