Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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