I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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