remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
