3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
