sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
