Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
