Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I am puke
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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