Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
